Ipl's Jokes For The Day~!!

[IronpumpedLady]

HEY EVERYONE, I HOPE YOU CONTINUE TO ENJOY THE HUMOR I BRING TO OUR BOARDS ON A REGULAR BASIS. I HAVEN'T BEEN REGULAR THESE LAST FEW WEEK, BUTI HAVE BEEN VERY BUSY WITH MY BUSINESSES, AND I'VE BEEN DOING SO REPAIR WORK AND REMODELING TO MY HOUSE~!! WHAT A NIGHTMARE~!!! BUT I'LL BE BACK REGULARLY VERY SOON I HOPE!!
NOW I'D LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS FIRST JOKE TODAY, TO MY GOOD FRIEND GATOR~!!! THIS IS FOR YOU BIG BOY~!!!! (ATTENTION: not for the faint at heart, as this contains some very graphic violence, everyone~!!! LOL)

DALLAS COWBOY HERO~~

Two boys were playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a wild raging dog~!!! Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board from the nearby fence, some how manages to wedge it down on the viscous dog's collar, then twists it, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who was walking by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy!

"Forty Niners' fan saves friend from vicious animal," he states loudly and starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Niners fan," the boy replied.

"Oakland Raiders' fan rescues friend from horrific attack," the reporter starts again.

"I'm not a Raiders fan either," the boy said.

"Then what are you?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Cowboys fan."

The reporter turns to a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Redneck bastard kills family pet."


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CRASH SURVIVER~

At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of bones, he noticed the rescue team.

"Thank God", he cried out in relief. "I am saved!"

The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside the lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades. The survivor saw the horror on their faces and hung his own head in shame.

"You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?"

The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man, your plane only went down yesterday!"

_____________________________

IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING~!!!

THE ORIGINAL VERSION:
If you love something,
Set it free...
If it comes back, it's yours,
If it doesn't, it never was yours....

THE PESSIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.

THE OPTIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.

THE PLAYFUL VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
Set her free again, repeat *

THE LAWYER'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second
amendment of the matrimonial Freedom Act clearly
states that...

THE BILL GATES VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees and
tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

THE POSSESSIVE VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Don't ever set her free.

THE PSYCHOLOGIST'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she comes back, her super ego is dominant,
If she doesn't come, back her id is supreme,
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

THE MARKETING VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new markets.


_________________________________


W.I.F.E.


A few people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, "My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG."

Another guy says, "What's that?"

The first guy says, "That means I am a Single, New Age Guy."

Another one says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK.

A girl asks, "What's that?"

He says, "That means I am a Double Income, No Kids."

A lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE."

Larry says, "A wife? What's a wife?"

She says, "That means, 'Wash, Iron, fu*k, Etc."





Stay Strong~~!!!
IPL

[CRC1276]

Lmfao, Thanks For The Laugh Ipl.